Top gear politics

So the general election approaches again, and for the first time I can vote!!!

This is making me insanely excited, despite the fact I know that my vote will instantly be cancelled out by my mother's and even though it will involve me having to be more Clarkson than Clegg as I make the 3 hour journey up from Wincanton (where I will be working godforsaken hours for barely anything, but doing a job I absolutely adore). You see, for this skip across the West Country I will be on my own in a car - there will be no nice green lift sharing involved. This is because I intend to be fully focused as I zero in on that little square on the little piece of paper to put in the little box in the little church; where, as it happens, I performed in far too many nativity plays habitually playing the same crucial role of fourth shepherd.

I have been looking forward to this nano-second of impact on political power for nearly ten years and I will not miss it for the world.

Historically university (particularly a redbrick) spawns socialist principles as offspring from all but the most well - heeled families, are reduced to scrabbling around under the bed to find the last penny to add to the small pile of shrapnel that will pay for a pint as opposed to the desperately under-used washing machine and the even more desperately needed trip to Tesco. But when put against each other now the ratio of students in this all too common position to the number of students who will actually vote for a party that best represents all those endeavouring to find the coppers, is very poor.

The upshot is the sparse youth vote that provided Labour with a very thin safety blanket in the '70s, has now almost entirely evaporated and if Mr Brown wants to keep hauling in the voters he's going to have to put in some serious legwork to beat off Dave, his hoodies and that unnaturally smooth forehead that is the secret envy of every 40 year old from Belfast to Brighton.

In my highly qualified opinion, were this a drag race the Conservatives would be the Porsche and Labour the Citroen - a victory would look almost assured for the blue boys but would they run out of fuel before the finish line and let the reds squeak ahead....I suppose that just depends how long the race is.

As the battle of hare and tortoise gathers momentum once more, only one thing can be assured - the LibDems are always going to choose the G-Wiz.

No matter what.